Out of Isolation and Into Community

I was reading the following verses this morning:

Where there is no counsel, the people fall; But in the multitude of counselors there is safety. (Proverbs 11:14)

Without counsel, plans go awry, But in the multitude of counselors they are established. (15:22)

And I had a few thoughts on my mind.

Sometimes we get to a certain place in life where we feel like we have to have everything figured out in life and we stop asking questions.

When I used to train new nurses, I often told them one of the most dangerous things they can do is to get to a point where they stop asking questions and think they know it all.

Or when they become afraid to respectfully question a doctor or someone in charge. Questions save people.

This is turn, encouraged them to feel safe + comfortable asking me questions that felt silly. They would often begin the question with "I know this is a silly question...

or

"I know I should know this by now..."

And I would respond with, "my friend, there are no silly questions!"

When I think back to that season, I learn this about human nature:

Sometimes, we get to a place in life where we feel like we should know something. Or that we have to have everything figured out on our own. Shame steps in and convinces us that surely we cannot ask for help in a certain situation because we are an adult, and they would think we are incapable...

But friends, there is SO much power in asking for help, no matter the situation.

The Bible literally drips with encouragement to seek counsel in community.

The problem? This takes SO much humility. It is hard to say,

"I am having a hard time with this, can you give me some advice?"

or

"I would love your opinion on this certain situation I am struggling with..."

or

“I know I am supposed to be an expert in this, but I actually need help and would love to learn from you…”

It is hard to invite someone in to areas of our life we are struggling and give them permission to offer advice.

It is hard because it shows vulnerability, and our nervous systems do not like that because vulnerability feels unsafe. Being alone and covered by the darkness that brings, feels more comfortable.

I want you to know these things because knowledge is the first step. But the true transforming piece is when you can begin putting that knowledge into ACTION and pushing through the discomfort.

This is how we build capacity. And this is how we grow as Christians. And this is how we break free from the isolation box satan tries to stuff us in.

Now, I am not telling you to go blast your struggles on social media. While I am not against this, because I am very vulnerable with people on social media and I find when I am, it allows other people to be as well. I cannot tell you how many times ive had someone reach out to me when I share something I had been struggling with and be like, "wow thank you for sharing that, I thought I was the only one."

However, we also need to be aware that this is another form of keeping ourselves safe because we are still isolated in doing that. This process gives us dopamine hits when people flood us with comments.

And if we are not careful, this can pacify us. So we will stay in a cycle of sharing, but not asking for wisdom to overcome.

What I am talking about here is bearing burdens but also asking for advice and counsel. Giving someone permission to give you counsel is one of the MOST incredible things you can do for your soul and to overcome a situation.

Unsolicited advice tends to trigger us because we often subconsciously feel like the person is judging us in the process. (For example, this is why you will not often find me giving health advice (unless it is on my page as an educational post) randomly to someone in converstaion, unless they have given me permission by asking.

You show up so differently when you are open and receptive because you have asked for permission.

This is why it is so important for YOU to be the one to step out and give permission to a group of people or individuals you trust.

The problem is, this is not comfortable, and we often want to keep ourselves safe so we often do not practice it.

I’m am also not saying to allow every person in your life to have a level of access to bring correction or input to your life. Those people should be trusted and in my opinion, Biblically aligned. But those people may also not come packaged in the way you expect or want and may have different life experiences than you. But that does not discredit the truth or wisdom or encouragement they offer. I know it’s trendy to discredit people who don’t share your same life experience, but the truth is God offers wisdom through people with different life experiences than us. (Yes that may include the single preacher with no children sharing biblical truths with your family, or the widow with no children offering you wisdom. Be sooo careful not to discredit people. Some people today would be discrediting the teachings of Paul + Jesus because Jesus wasn’t married with children and couldn’t possible understand their situation).

I share this to encourage you, that if you find yourself in a situation and you have thoughts like, "I should have this figured out by now...

"They will think I am incapable in this situation if I ask for help..."

"They will judge me for this..."

or "we have to figure this out on our own..."

Those are thoughts that can keep you stuck and lead to isolation. And Isolation is where you are most vulnerable to spiritual attacks.

Having the ability to recognize these thoughts and actually do something about it...

That is where the transformation happens.

I am on a mission to create a safe place for women to step out of isolation, and into community. If you want to join our community, comment ALIGNED and I will send you more information on our course + community