Here is one biblically rooted quality you can cultivate in your life as a Christian woman to nurture more resilience, spiritual fruit, and vitality in your life

Stop being so nice, and instead, start being kind.

Hear me out...

A few weeks ago I was sharing my heart with a trusted mentor, telling her things I was struggling with, and she looked at me and said,

“Megan, you a very nice person, you are doing a lot of nice things, you are serving and sacrificing a lot, but have you considered if are you being kind to others and yourself right now?”

I paused and thought about her words, and felt slightly confused, “shouldn’t I be nice as a Christian?” Then she went on to remind me of the difference between “niceness” and kindness.

Kindness is a fruit of the Spirit. Niceness, often emerges from the fruit of the flesh.

Niceness is sneaky because the world praises it. It looks great on the outside. It can masks itself in various ways. But...

You see, very often, when we are just being nice, we are doing it as a form of self protection, not genuine service to God, or others.

Fearful if we do not say yes to something, the other person will think less of us, think we are a bad person, reject us, or even get mad at us and abandon us. Niceness can also be driven by guilt and pride.

It is born out of a desire for social approval and rooted in survival.

It can keep us boxed in, burnt out, suffocated, resentful, and constricted.

Kindness, on the other hand, invites us into Spiritual formation and expansion.

Kindness, is a fruit of the Spirit.

Kindness is not afraid to say no, when we know we are not giving our best yes, or that saying yes will bring harm in the long run.

Kindness stands for truth and tells the truth compassionately, even if the truth is not popular or it is going to hurt someone’s feelings.

Let me give a few examples.

Maybe you are asked to do something at work or church and your plate is full. You say yes because you are a servant, but the entire time resentment is growing in your heart, you’re exhausted, depleted, and you go home and you snap at your husband and kids. Is that kind?

Maybe you have someone in your life who is clearly on a path of destruction, but rather than offering them an alternative perspective you hold you tongue and stay silent out of fear of hurting their feeling. That appears nice, but is it kind?

Maybe you fill your schedule with good deeds from sun up to sun down, rushing your kids from one activity to the next, but you have little time to contemplate and be with your thoughts and pray or have deeper conversations...

You are overstimulated, exhausted, on edge, skipping meals and living in survival, saying, “one day we will slow down.”

On the outside you look like a nice busy servant, but what is going on the inside? This one is sneaky because it hides under service.

Some well meaning people are attempting to do good deeds and stay busy in hopes to be pleasing to God, but the Bible tells us, our good deeds are like filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6). It is when we serve from worth, not trying to earn favor or approval, that our light shines back to Christ in it’s brightest.

Jesus embodied kindness. He served, and yes, pushed the limit at times. But He also spent much time in quiet with the Father, deep in prayer, and said no at times. He told the truth even when it hurt people’s feelings.

He asked hard questions that made people mad. He questioned popular narratives and traditions. He flipped tables. He was kind yet meek. He is who we are to embody, even when it is uncomfortable. And He says, “Come follow me...”

And when we do, we are spiritually formed. Iron sharpens iron when we become kind in our relationships, pride shrinks when we grow tired of attempting to control how others perceive us, and we are refined, more and more into His image each day.

My mentor gave me homework to explore the ways in which I am kind vs nice in my life, and I want to invite you to do the same in your own life.

What is the difference between niceness or kindness?

In what ways are you potentially using niceness as a form of self protection?

In what ways can you be more kind?

What is niceness costing you?

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires." Galatians 5:22-24

Want to learn how to lead and serve from a hard posture of kindness and embodiment rather than survival? Join us inside my 12 Week Nervous System Re-alignment Program, Aligned and Renewed.